It's been about a year since I wrote an entry for my blog. A lot has happened in that year. I turned a new decade in my life, I lost my sister, my ex-husband, my former sister-in-law and former mother-in-law. I never thought I'd be affected by the loss of the exes, but I was. The loss of my younger sister was traumatic and that goes without saying. I watched friends and acquaintances get sick, get well, get sick again and survive some horrible ailments. And, of course, some didn't make it.
I enjoyed the weddings of my niece and my brother's Goddaughter and shared in the joy my nephew experienced when he bought his first home. Watching the next generation get their start was lovely, but it makes me feel sidelined.
I met an interesting man and started a relationship one day at a time. I learned that whatever you think you wanted when you were much younger has changed to the point that even though you want it, do you really have the energy for it? And can you sustain the tradeoff to keep the companion?
I learned a new art form and saw my energy diminish further, so I'm not sure how much "new" art I want to try. Now, too, traveling is becoming even less appealing than it was before. Who can handle all the tumult and uncertainty anymore, not to mention all the aches and pains from sitting in cramped quarters?
I learned to be grateful for every beautiful day, every real friend, every new experience whether I enjoyed it or not.
I learned a lot this past year. It didn't make me a better person, but it sure has given me insight into the person I have become. It's an introspection that has an upside and a downside, for sure. I see clearly how I got to this place in life, but the end result bears little resemblance to anything I had hoped for. Yet, I have few regrets and no complaints to speak of. Go figure.
