Go Figure

 
It's been about a year since I wrote an entry for my blog.  A lot has happened in that year. I turned a new decade in my life, I lost my sister, my ex-husband, my former sister-in-law and former mother-in-law.  I never thought I'd be affected by the loss of the exes, but I was. The loss of my younger sister was traumatic and that goes without saying. I watched friends and acquaintances get sick, get well, get sick again and survive some horrible ailments. And, of course, some didn't make it.

I enjoyed the weddings of my niece and my brother's Goddaughter and shared in the joy my nephew experienced when he bought his first home.  Watching the next generation get their start was lovely, but it makes me feel sidelined. 

I met an interesting man and started a relationship one day at a time.  I learned that whatever you think you wanted when you were much younger has changed to the point that even though you want it, do you really have the energy for it? And can you sustain the tradeoff to keep the companion?

I learned a new art form and saw my energy diminish further, so I'm not sure how much "new" art I want to try.  Now, too, traveling is becoming even less appealing than it was before.  Who can handle all the tumult and uncertainty anymore, not to mention all the aches and pains from sitting in cramped quarters?

I learned to be grateful for every beautiful day, every real friend, every new experience whether I enjoyed it or not.

I learned a lot this past year. It didn't make me a better person, but it sure has given me insight into the person I have become.  It's an introspection that has an upside and a downside, for sure.  I see clearly how I got to this place in life, but the end result bears little resemblance to anything I had hoped for.  Yet, I have few regrets and no complaints to speak of.  Go figure.

Dwidow

We need a new word in the English language:   Dwidow.  

It will be the designation for a divorced spouse when the other half of the divorced couple dies.  It only seems fair, because even though we had been divorced for 30 years, my ex and I were still connected by a child we share, in-law family we liked, and a lot of good and  terrible memories.  So the tie cannot ever be really broken.  And, shockingly enough, I feel grief over the passing of this man to whom I had not spoken in over 20 years. It's odd, but there you have it.

Dwidow/Dwidower:  s/he who remains in this world after the death of a former spouse and who has no status, no input, no welcome, nowhere to publicly place the emotion.

Woman Power

Forty+ years ago, women started to enter the workforce in large numbers. I always thought it would take about 20-30 years for them to begin to make impact in the way work and politics played out.  I became disheartened when I realized it would take much longer.  Recently, I think I have seen some light at the end of the tunnel.  

Just the other day, a woman reporter quit her anchor job on a particular network because she did not like the propagandizing that was a daily part of the network's news. I had never seen a woman take such a public stand in the workplace and I'm not sure if I've ever seen any men do it.  

In a second recent case, 17 of 20 female members of the U.S. Senate voted for a bill adamantly supporting women in the military from the abuse that has come upon them for reporting rape.

As I see it, these women are making changes in the consciousness of American thinking.  They are introducing female values to a previously hard-fast and long-held male viewpoint.  Until now, the successful women in politics and the corporate world have had to react to circumstances the way their male counterparts did just in order to gain acceptance.  Maybe that is changing.  It's time.

Special Days

I never think of birthdays as particularly special. After all, EVERYONE  has one.  I'd usually rather ignore mine because who wants to get older?

Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries - my art

 

Today is my birthday - sigh, where did the years go? - and believe it or not, I'm looking forward to the celebration with my friends, who always insist on birthday get-togethers.  It's the ninth year in this decade of my life and somehow, it seems more important.  

Best of all on this day, I made a 117 point word in my Words With Friends game that I play daily via internet with a dear friend. I beat her by more points, overall, than I ever have before (she usually trounces me). 

What could be better than that kind of score just when we think our mental acuity may be fading? It is a triumphant feeling.  Not the win, but the reconfirmation that I'm still pretty sharp, even on this advanced birthday and I can still manage my life with aplomb. We who can do this are lucky, for so many fade quickly once the initial decline begins.

Life is just a bowl of cherries some days!

Roadblocks

There are many ways that changes can occur.  We are happily marching down the road of our lives when, all of a sudden, instead of reaching a fork at which we must make a choice, we encounter a roadblock that forces a change in our direction instantly.

Everyone experiences roadblocks and they aren't necessarily a bad thing.  Sometimes, the roadblock forces us to think differently about something we thought was a no-brainer, something we held onto for reasons long forgotten.

Think about your roadblocks. What are you hanging onto that no longer has any meaning?

Affluenza ??

So now we have a new made up word:  Affluenza.  It's the combination of "affluent" and "influenza" used to defend the actions OF a rich teenager who got drunk, wrecked his car and killed a bunch of people.  Supposedly, he is afflicted with a "disease" of the affluent that allows him to think he is above reproach, beyond the law, and able to make serious mistakes with little punishment.  And some judge agreed when she gave him the option to go to a rehab center for rich kids and have a ten year probation instead of a jail term.

What is going on within our legal system?  Are we so afraid to punish the guilty that we make up words to create a defense for them?  It's been going on for a long time, but I think we've had enough.  Where are Mothers Against Drunk Drivers when you need their voices to be heard?

I don't think anyone gets rehabilitated in a jail, and perhaps youngsters like him should go to special facilities, but to be released to the custody of a high-priced treatment center for a short stay just does not add up.

Everything legal seems to be spiraling downward in a country that appears to be losing its grip on reality, morality, and justice.

Wish I had the answer.  Any ideas out there?

Big Brother

Well, Big Brother has been watching for a very long time and, as far as I’m concerned, there’s little I can do about it.  If I was a white collar criminal or terrorist, I’d be more worried. 

The only time I got really upset about Big Brother watching me was when I got caught by a trafficam in Los Angeles.  I zipped through a barely-turned red light at a busy intersection, thinking I had cleverly decreased my travel time by a few minutes (it's a long light at that corner).  So much for being smug.  A few days later, I got a whopper of a bill in the mail with a photograph of me - albeit blurred - committing the crime and a time stamp showing I missed by 3 seconds.  Sure, I tried to fight it, but who can fight Big Brother and win?

We live in a different era and we are spied on from everywhere.  Do you ever use Google?  Then someone knows everything about you that they need to target you for a variety of legal and non-legal matters.  It's the way of the world today.  

All I can say is, if you cant' beat 'em, just shut up and endure 'em.  Your alternative is to shut off the computer, stay out of your car, don't walk into any commercial establishment with a camera setup and just shrivel up while you knit an endless array of sweaters no one wants.

Ain't life grand?
 

C-o-o-o-o-l

I get a lot of "news" from CNN via my Ipad.  Some of the video news elements are a real testament to what the "news" has become.  We can just disregard that they stretch pretty far to find newsworthy items to report. That is a given in the Internet world.  But when the newscasters LOOK like adults, but talk like teenagers, I begin to wonder at their competency.

For example, I was watching a video clip about the comet ISON.   The young meteorologist giving the report must have used the word "cool" about 15 times during her broadcast.  If the reporter, self-proclaimed as educated to some extent in astronomy, can only use the word "cool" to describe a natural phenomenon, I wonder at her overall capability.
 
If I am made to wonder about the story's veracity due to the childish presentation of the "facts", what other information has been distorted that I am just missing?  Houston, I think we have a problem.

Self Esteem

"Self-esteem" is a  much overused compound word that doesn't have a place in anyone's vocabulary except our own personal and silent one.  Nobody can GIVE us self-esteem. We earn it on our own through our own actions. Why else would the word "self" be incorporated into the phrase?  We think well of ourselves when we have accomplished something we didn't think we could do and no amount of outside praise equals the feeling from within of a job well done.

We think well of ourselves when we have contributed or succeeded and no one but us is in charge of that. Look at what has happened to many children in recent years.  They were rewarded every time they did anything at all positive and, consequently, they became dependent on praise in order to feel worthy.  

Now you put them in the marketplace where no one cares to praise their every move and what happens?  They get paralyzed, not knowing how to act on their own merit.  They can't make decisions because they are dependent on someone else's praise to motivate them.  They don't compete in the present because they haven't been required to compete in the past. Their expectations are exhaustingly high and yet their output does not merit the praise they thrive on.

To me, hearing  the catch phrase "good job" is like fingernails on a chalkboard.  It is such a patronizing statement, filled with false motivation and a brand of praise that magnifies the smallest accomplishment to absurd proportion.

Let's help our young ones to develop a respect for accomplishment that is generated from within.  It'll produce more self-confidant people in a world that needs them, for sure.
 

Sweet Bursts

I used to think it would be so wonderful to be retired so I’d have the time for my art and could do it uninterrupted for hours and days. But now that I am retired, I still have some trouble finding time.  Life is very busy in a 55+ community where there is every imaginable activity to pursue. But I learned quickly that if I wanted to “find” time for art, I had to “make” time for it.  So I decided that, since I could not possibly give up all the fun activities I participate in, I’d just have to put art before housework and bill paying and chores.  So that is what I do and I succeed at it very well, thank you!  

The most interesting thing about my art is that I am better at it in short bursts rather than long sessions – perhaps because I lately have the attention span of a flea?? So it’s pretty easy to work my art in around everything else – an hour or two at a time.  And since I have many different art interests, I can be working on lettering designs in the morning burst, found-object jewelry in the afternoon spurt and freeform crochet while I’m watching TV in the evening.  

Who’d a thunk it – time enough for the enjoyments, and it’s amazing how one thing leads to another in my art and  improves it because I do so much of it in those short, sweet bursts!